June 12, 2014

Why is there a fucking empty void in my heart that can never be filled? I try to my own and others' detriment. I sometimes feel like I am soulless and I grasp for connection in order to ease the pain of being no one.

June 11, 2014

I have to face my weaknesses and fight them. Solitude is acceptable.

June 10, 2014

Feeling absolutely static at this point in time. Like sludge. But not the musical kind that relieves a tension. The developmental quicksand of dont go too fucking crazy or you'll sink even lower. I need to drown this self-fulfilling prophecy.

June 9, 2014

I have been forcing back the sadness 

Of losing the companionship I've held for nearly three years. It has been easier than I expected. Wondering why I had not freed myself sooner. Although the timing was really quite perfect in some ways. I have been wound tight around the existence of another for so long. Such a shame to look at that gap in personal development. So much to make up for. So much to do for just myself.

June 8, 2014

The sick sensation of waking up sweaty but cold. The lamp is bright. The fan grates on my skin. The realities of recent events and future plans accompanied by my neurosis toward the matters downloads into my fresh consciousness at a dial-up speed. Waves are rolling in my head, battering the singsong brain currents of my happy escape against the sunlight, the clock. Three things visit my mind concurrently: My ex. My current crush. What's for breakfast?